Let's hear it for the stepfathers this Father's Day...

In older Bible days, it was customary for a brother of a deceased man to take on the support and care of the family he left behind. The eldest brother would first be asked if he could take on the responsibility of an additional wife and children, and if, for some reason, he could not, then the duty would pass to the next oldest and so forth until a suitable situation was reached. The widow or her children really did not have much to say about the matter. It was tradition and in some cases, the law of the land, as well as Bible teaching. The uncle would automatically become the stepfather and rear the children to adulthood. His pay was that he was fulfilling what the customs taught to be right and he inherited the land and goods, as well as the animals of his dead brother.

We see this truth carried out in the life of Ruth who has a book of the Bible named for her. It is the eighth book of the Old Testament and it tells the lovely story of how Ruth and Orpah married the sons of Naomi and Elimelech in the land of Moab. Elimelech, Mahlon and Chilion all died and left the three women widows. Naomi announced that she would return to the land of her birth, Bethlehem, and Ruth, her daughter in law, vowed to go with her.

It is from this book of the Bible that we get the romantic passages often used in weddings. “Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee; for whether thou goest, I will go. Where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.”

Many people assume that these words were spoken between two people getting married or pledging their love in a ceremony, but in reality, they were said by a daughter in law who sincerely loved her mother in law and vowed her undying love and allegiance. When Ruth and Naomi settled in Bethlehem, things were difficult. They had no male member of the family to care for them and there was little for them to eat. Ruth went out into the fields and worked gathering the gleanings of the wheat after the workers cut and harvested the crop.

Ruth met Boaz, a distant relative, who is referred to as a “kinsman redeemer” in the story. Ruth’s husband had no other brothers who could care for her, so Boaz stepped in as the male member of the family who would care for the lovely Ruth. The story has a happy ending and Ruth and Boaz were married and went on to live a happy and prosperous life. The couple’s names appear in the lineage of Christ.

It is much different today in the age in which we live. Our customs do not dictate that uncles marry widows, but nevertheless, we have many men who find themselves in the role of stepfather, grandfather or uncle who help to care for our boys and girls today. Many of these good men who work hard every day to make a good living for their family are treated unfairly. The boys and girls whom they parent resent their involvement in their lives. They are ungrateful for the good that these men do and for the many ways in which their lives are made better because of their involvement.

Stepfathers especially face significant challenges as they move into a situation where they are often unwanted and unappreciated. Perhaps their biggest crime is that they chose to marry the child’s mother. Psychologists tell us that within the secret places of the hearts of many boys and girls whose homes are broken up by divorce, thoughts and wishes are harbored that the original family will somehow get back together. They really would like for their lives to be as it once was and these children often forget the bad things or the hurt and pain that caused the breakup.

It takes special skills and attitudes to be a successful stepfather. In thinking about this column today three outstanding examples of very good stepfathers come to my mind. I won’t name these good men for fear of embarrassment, but it is likely that they will know who they are. I admire the fact that they have welcomed the children of the wife’s first marriage into their home and that no difference is shown between the stepchild and the natural children born of the union.

I also appreciate the fact that they have learned how to administer discipline when called for, companionship when needed most, a good example in business and professional skills and a sincere desire to see these children do well in education and in life. The homes are places of refuge for successful blended families whose children will go on to be productive, contributing members of society.

This weekend as we take time to celebrate Father’s Day with gifts, cookouts, trips to the beach or simple visits in the home, let’s be certain we take time to honor the stepfathers, uncles and grandfathers who help to make our lives happy and resourceful. They need to hear “I love you,” and “I appreciate your contributions to my life,” too.

Happy Father's Day to all my guy friends on their special day! Ladies, don't forget the important men in your life.